


==> Equius: have your privacy invaded by an outraged ship (explain the kinky birds and bondage bees to her)

by OtherCat



Category: Homestuck, Ship Series - Anne McCaffrey
Genre: Dom/sub, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kink Negotiation, Recovery, Sexual Experimentation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-12
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-07-11 12:28:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15972317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OtherCat/pseuds/OtherCat
Summary: They said: If you want to write anything for it then i like helmsman and ship captain equara.I said: I am sorry but equara helmsman sounds depressing to me, so you get equara brainship instead (though it might also be depressing)





	==> Equius: have your privacy invaded by an outraged ship (explain the kinky birds and bondage bees to her)

Equius thought he knew how to sub as a Brawn for a grieving ship. Aradia had lost her Brawn in a terrible shipjacking incident that had nearly killed her as well. It had left what Equius had heard was a bright and cheerful personality before the incident distant and cold. Privately, he thought she should have been allowed more time before going back to work, but the incentive to pay off the indenture and thus the medical procedures that made a Brain a Brain was both carrot and stick to the disabled individuals raised from birth and early childhood in the program. She wanted to go back to work, so she was allowed to go back to work, even if she was clearly miserable.

And more than a little cruel.

“Do you suppose the reason no one ever picked you as a permanent brawn is because you stink?” Aradia asks. “Or maybe they picked up on your brain kink.”

“No brain has ever complained about my body odor, Aradia,” Equius says. “And I don’t have a ‘brain kink,’ which you’d know since you went into my private files the first day. Would you like to play checkers?”

“What, you don’t think I’m smart enough to play chess?” Aradia asks.

“You played chess with your previous brawn, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Equius says.

“Everything about you makes me uncomfortable,” Aradia says. “Get away from my column you pervert.”

“Of course, Aradia,” Equius says, and excuses himself with a bow to her column, as was only polite.

Training as a brawn was perhaps not as stringent as the detailed education brains received learning to use their cybernetic enhancements. It was stringent enough, however. The big day however was presenting yourself along with a number of other candidates to be that brainship’s brawn. It was a combination of party and interview with everyone vying to impress and charm the brainship.

Equius had not done very well, to say the least. He had never done well and parties, and he mostly got through interviews with a sort of stolid determination. He had been nervous, and nervousness made him overbearing. This had annoyed the brainship, who had promptly told every graduating brainship in her class to give him a pass. Those brainships passed it along even further until Equius’ social credibility as a potential brawn was a disaster of epic proportions.      

The dream of a lifetime had been crushed, and he’d ended up crying on the metaphorical shoulder of the station brain who’d run his home station. Nepeta had been both exasperated and warmly sympathetic. Nepeta’s brawn Jade had been more exasperated than sympathetic. They’d suggested he serve as a substitute brawn for ships who didn’t have one to repair his reputation, and maybe find a brain willing to take him on that way.

So he’d done that, and gotten very good, he thought, at being a brawn. Brains experiencing psychological upset gave him high marks for being patient, talking them down from whatever was upsetting them. He found he enjoyed working with brains as a counselor, and started working on getting an actual license for counseling. (He was in the middle of taking classes for them.)  

Aradia was on another level all together.  There was so much anger and grief in her, and she was so spiteful he wasn’t sure how to reach her. He settles down in his room and goes through his class materials. “It’s generally considered polite to direct ones attention to the column when you’re in the same room with the brain,” he says out loud.

“I don’t care,” Aradia says. “I don’t want to be looked at by a pervert.”

“I could make the same accusation you realize, since you decided to go through my private things,” Equius pointed out. “That sort of behavior is socially inappropriate, among other things.”

“What other things, your folders were full off all kinds of creepy shit. That’s probably why BB196 didn’t want anything to do with you,” Aradia says.

Equius feels a flash of temper and clenches his hands on his reader. “Well for one, I didn’t _consent_ to that kind of loss of privacy when I agreed to become your temporary brawn. For the second, a party is a bad place to hold an interview when you are by nature an introvert.”

Aradia has nothing to say to that.

Equius is doing a physical inventory when Aradia says suddenly. “Sollux was an introvert.”

“I would guess he wasn’t also somewhat overbearing with a resting bitch face,” Equius says.

“No, we just texted each other through the whole party,” Aradia says. “You could have gone military.”

“Because I have a resting bitch face? No,” Equius says.

This is both a conversation, and something of a breakthrough. Aradia is willing to talk about Sollux, but not about the shipjacking. She still calls Equius a pervert. She still doesn’t want him to look in the direction of her column. Conversations are brief and more like interrogations than conversations.

The cargo is delivered, and a new one is picked up. There’s a transportation contract Aradia accepts that has Equius teeth grinding because it’s his absolutely least favorite media host. (Aradia thinks this is funny.) There’s another transportation contract, and a cargo contract, this one frozen livestock embryos for a colony.

“How is this not brain kink?” Aradia asks, throwing a picture of a sensory deprivation tank on a screen.

“It has nothing to do with brain anything, Aradia,” Equius says. “It’s for sensory deprivation.”

Aradia’s heartbeat on the statistics board goes up fast. “Why would anyone do something like that?”

“Under the right conditions it can be a good experience,” Equius.

“Did someone do this to you?” She asks, half-challenge, half-horror.

“Nothing that elaborate,” Equius says. “A blindfold and sound cancelling headphones.”   

“Why did you do it?” Aradia asks, sounding like a child poking at a squashed frog.

“Because I trusted them, and we had prior agreement on acceptable and unacceptable behavior, as well as signals for ending things early if one of us became upset.”

“This is weird creepy sex shit,” Aradia says flatly.

Equius can’t help the smile. “Consider the possibility that weird creepy sex shit has rules.”  

“No, go away,” Aradia says.

Equius leaves.

The next time Aradia comes back after having apparently done some research. “The only thing brains really learn about sex is learning the signs that a brawn has become obsessed and might crack the column,” she says a few days later. “But apparently you can do this kind of thing and not have full intercourse occurring.”

Equius’ brain stalls out on that. “What kind of thing?” he asks.

“I want to see you do it,” Aradia says. “The sensory deprivation thing. Equius?” she asks.”

Equius’s brain is still stalling out, and his face is burning and buried in his hands. “Aradia, no,” he says.

“I know you wouldn’t try to crack my column.” Aradia says. “I could show you pictures of what people with my condition actually look like though to make you reconsider if you get weird.”

“Aradia,” Equius says, trying to refrain from saying the “dearheart” that somehow immediately comes to mind. “You don’t even like me, and I require at least that before I…submit.”

“That didn’t seem to be a requirement in the porn I’ve seen,” Aradia asked, puzzled, and also meanly amused.

“Porn has nothing to do with a healthy relationship,” Equius says, a little flustered by her tone. He’s certain he’s red to the tips of his ears. “It’s merely a means of entertainment, which I’m sure you realize.”

“Is it also because _I_ can’t have sex?” Aradia asks. “I’m just curious about it.” There’s a pause. “Well, specifically, I’m interested watching you go through sensory deprivation. I don’t think I thought about you…um. Submitting.”

“That would be a problem,” Equius says. “You not thinking about my part in what you want to do. Kind of like deliberately going through my private files and then screaming at me about what you found there.”

“I am not even a little bit sorry,” Aradia says. “I’ve increased security with locked AIs that pass on any flagged keywords or programs to me. It’s not my fault _your porn_ was flagged.”

“If you had asked I would have told you the contents,” Equius says. “Did you have the AI’s security setting at ‘young children might be reading’?”

There’s a silence. “Go away,” Aradia says, and Equius obeys.

“I don’t dislike you,” Aradia says during dinner. “Maybe you’re trying too hard to--to not be Sollux but I don’t hate you.”

“Well I’m glad you don’t dislike me,” Equius says. “I’m sorry if it seems I’m trying too hard. I know you’ve been through a bad experience on top of losing your brawn, which is a terrible experience all on its own from what I’ve seen. It can be hard to balance on that line between stepping in territory occupied by the one who came before you, and creating territory of your own.”

“I guess so,” Aradia says. “I miss him, I don’t think anyone could replace him.”

“No one should, Aradia,” Equius says. “Let every brawn you take be a new person.”

“Don’t compare them to Sollux?” Aradia asks, the hint of a sneer in her tone.

“Compare them to Sollux if you want to,” Equius says. “Let them stand on their own merits or flaws.”

Aradia is quiet at that, and they don’t talk further for the rest of the evening.

They continue to talk, and some of the cold distance seems to crack. Equius finds himself charmed by Aradia’s sense of humor and her stories from school. She’s curious about his family and his friends, and asks him questions about previous ships he’s been a brawn for. They have a mutual fondness for Helva’s compositions, even the ones that only brains can really hear/understand. (Equius can at least appreciate the artistry of the human-audible singing if he can’t pick up the ones only a brain can hear.) Sometimes she asks about sex, what it was like, and specifically what his “weird kinky shit” brand of it was like. (He suspected she did it mostly because she was amused by his blushing.)

He calls her “dearheart” accidentally out loud the first time he hears one of her nightmares. Equius is amazed that she’s kept them hidden from him for so long. “Aradia, dearheart, wake up, you’re safe.” He keeps his distance from the column. He tells her their approximate location, the time, the current mission. “You’re safe now,” he tells her.

“Don’t report me,” she says, automatic and miserable.

“Report what?” Equius asks. “Of course you’re having nightmares still. I know a lot of the psychs pretend that you have to be recovered after a certain set time, but that’s not actually how it works.”

“I’m a brain though,” Aradia says. “I should be-be processing my emotions better.”

“That’s not how that works either dear,” Equius says. “Emotions take their own amount of time to process. ‘Geniuses’ are often ‘eccentric’ I think not because they’re smart but because they aren’t very good at processing their emotions because they never learned, because everyone assumed they could do it, because they were smart.”   

They talk some more, about emotions, and a little about the dream, before Equius goes back to bed.

Aradia still wants to watch him go through sensory deprivation. She is not necessarily subtle about it. He thinks someone else might have made sexual harassment jokes. He thinks someone would have legitimately filed for sexual harassment. Equius however, doesn’t feel bothered by them; more intrigued despite himself than anything. He decides it’s a good time to discuss limits and consent, and they talk about that. Limits are discussed and agreed on.

She has him buy a number of toys and restraints. His heart’s stuttering a bit with excitement, and he feels hot all over in a way that has nothing to do with the muggy outside temperature at the spaceport. He goes to his room, and lays everything out. He fidgets, not really knowing what she’s going to do, what she’s going ask of him.

“Go eat dinner first,” Aradia says.

She bought take out for him, had it set up by one of her drones. A pasta dish, fried eggplant, steak, wine. They talk about random things that have nothing to do with what’s in his bedroom. The currently completed mission, the next one that hasn’t been decided yet, that sort of thing. Equius can’t help the way his mind drifts into speculation. He knows she wants to do the sensory deprivation on him. Some of the toys indicated she was interested in other things. On the other hand, who knows, maybe this was a practical joke of some kind. He couldn’t believe he was doing this, at the same time…he really wanted to do this.

By the end of the dinner, Equius is internally, a wreck. “Are you okay, Equius?”

Equius nods, tries to stand up.

“Words, Equius,” Aradia says. “Are you okay?”

“I’m nervous,” Equius admits after a few moments. Then, “I want to be good.”

“Wow,” Aradia says. “Are you just…getting into character?”

“I really want to be good,” Equius says. “I don’t want to screw up.”

“You’re not, you’re really not Equius,” Aradia says. Her tone falters a bit, somewhere between amazed and concerned.  “Uh. Go to your room. Take off your clothes and kneel by the bed.”

Equius obeys. He might have attempted a strip tease, but Aradia didn’t feel--couldn’t feel--sexual desire and probably wouldn’t be titillated. He strips out of his uniform and folds it on his clothing shelf, then he kneels with his wrists crossed behind his back.

“Wow,” Aradia says again. “You really are a brawn. I mean, I’ve seen you exercise but you look really different like this. I made fun of you but the aesthetic is…nice. Surprisingly nice.” She was babbling a little, as nervous in her own way as he was.

“Thank you, Aradia,” Equius says, bowing his head.

“Kiss the floor,” Aradia says. It’s thrown out in a random way, like she doesn’t expect him to obey.

He leans forward and kisses the deck plates of the ship. He wondered if she was going to ask him to lick the floor next, maybe wash some of it with his tongue. It would be just to see if he would, (and he would), but he couldn’t help being excited by the idea.

“You’re really going to do anything I want?” Aradia asks.

“Yes, Aradia,” Equius says. He shivers a little and bites off the “I’m yours.” It was automatic, an impulse to say that. Neither of them was ready for that phrase, whether it was meant as a game or honestly.

“So, I couldn’t figure out a way to use the repair drones that wouldn’t make me feel weird,” Aradia says. “Maybe it would be different if I had one of those avatars--but they’re expensive and I don’t transport enough VIPs to justify marking one as a business expense.”

Equius can’t help the noise he makes. 

“I thought you didn’t have a brain kink, Equius,” Aradia says with a snicker.

“I don’t have a brain kink,” Equius says. “Nor do I have an ill-fated obsession with a delusion that would lead me to crack your column. But the thought of an avatar or a drone hold me down, or with your hand in my hair? That’s another matter.”

“Me or just anyone?” Aradia asks suddenly.

“You, right now,” Equius says. “If you want me.” He tries to keep the plaintiveness out of his tone, and knows he isn’t doing a very good job. Aradia laughs at him.

“Here’s what I want you to do,” Aradia says. “First, get up on the bed and insert the butt plug,” she says.

Equius obeys, lubing up the butt plug then slowly inserting it. It feels bigger than it looks. (They almost always feel bigger than they look, to him.) He’s a little breathless when it’s inside, he can feel it holding him open, feel it just brushing against his prostate. “It’s in, Aradia,” he says.

“Grab the flesh light and the cuffs,” she says. “Cuff one wrist and one ankle to your bunk--and I guess you know what to do with the fleshlight!” She sounds almost cheerful at that.

He restrains himself and puts on a condom before using the fleshlight, not wanting to clean up the mess afterward. Every movement makes the buttplug move, and Equius stifle the sounds he can’t help making. Aradia directs him, telling him when and how to thrust, sometimes stuttering into silence when she embarrasses herself. He waits during those times, even though he desperately wants to thrust into the toy. It leads to a sort of accidental edging that shakes him all to pieces when he finally comes. He lies there limp, sweating in the dark. _Did I please you?_ Some part of him wants to ask.

“How did it feel?” Aradia asks. “It kind of looked like it hurt.”

“Intense,” Equius says. “It usually looks like it hurts, but it doesn’t, or shouldn’t.” His voice is a little breathless, strained. “It feels sensitive now.”

“Keep them where they are,” Aradia says, guessing correctly that he’s asking to remove the butt plug and the fleshlight. “We’ll take a rest break.”

Equius swallows, an uncertain, yet somehow eager feeling stirring. “Yes Aradia,” he says. “Thank you.”

“You look and sound so good like that, Equius,” Aradia says.  

   

**Author's Note:**

> I have probably gotten the ship code wrong. 
> 
> Also, they don't get to the sensory deprivation tonight because Aradia is understandably nervous about it.


End file.
